I said in the blog last week that Christmas can sometimes come with an extra serve of difficult feelings to deal with. If we’re financially troubled, if we’ve had a break-up or a loss, if we’re not where we expected to be or if we’ve had to take a step back from our hopes and dreams, Christmas will crystallise all of our feelings for us.
This week I’m looking at ideas to help manage Christmas alone or when you’re in a challenging space.
Take the pressure down where possible. You may have points in the day, or even in the month, where you need to sit in your feelings, and those feelings may be dire. At those times, sit on the couch with a rug if you’re home, take refuge in a toilet cubicle if you’re out, grab yourself a cuppa somewhere, or find a piece of nature to breathe. Remember overwhelm can pass, you just have to give up your brain while the mess is being processed. Keep the faith, and know your feelings will shift. Contact help if required – a friend, a doctor, a counselling service.
Writing down how you feel can help clear the frazzle and provide relief. You could make a small book or document, called Doing Christmas My Way! or something similar, and write down stuff as you go, good and bad. Remember you’re on a path, and this day may not make sense until afterwards, so get it out of your brain and onto a page. Feel proud of yourself for taking a small step.
If your finances are struggling, avoid debt at all costs. Most people understand things can be difficult. Next year, consider putting away a small amount – even $5 a month will get you enough for a treat or a present come the end of the year. But I’ve had times when not even that was possible, and that’s where home-made comes in. If your mental health can manage it, bake, sew, knit, crochet, draw or plant your way to presents. Sometimes this action builds on your self-esteem. Aim low, set yourself up for small successes! My blog on cheap Christmas or on my birthday party where everyone had to bring a present which cost no money may be worth a read.
If you’re spending time alone, planning is just as critical as if you were entertaining others. Remember you’re absolutely worth some extra care on that day, even when things seem grim. Decide beforehand what you’ll eat, and find one small treat for yourself. I had the best lone Christmas sandwich one year, made with a handful of prawns, some crisp lettuce, and tasty mayo. Also, think about what you’ll do. Have movies to watch, books to read, music to play, puzzles to do, jigsaws to start, comfort food/drink to enjoy. If you can afford it, buy yourself a present. A wind chime, a mug, a pair of fun socks, a book, a journal, anything that works.
Decide beforehand what to do if your brain starts to get messy. Have a friend to call, a counselling service number to contact, or a place to go. I love going to the beach or into a garden when my head is full of grunt, but snuggled up under a quilt works too! If things are perilous, talk to a doctor or counsellor before the big day, and come up with a plan.
Above all, remember it is just one day. The poems I mentioned last week, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann or If by Rudyard Kipling, and also Autobiography in Five Chapters (otherwise known as There’s a hole in my sidewalk) by Portia Nelson, or The Journey by Mary Oliver, can be very uplifting.
I’m sending you a big warm hug today and all through the Christmas season.
Joni Page 