When I was younger, I was often left feeling bad about myself after interactions with others. I wish I’d said this or asked that. I wish I’d walked away. I’d cogitate about it over and over again.
As I got older I started to see it for what it was. I really disliked the feeling I was being judged for the clothes I wore, the way I acted, or the way my brain worked. I began to despise the way my gender and skillset were demeaned by people who thought I should reach some standard and expectation set by society rather than by me.
I grew to appreciate my unique gifts, and to understand that, at times, following what I knew to be true meant I might threaten people’s ideas about me and their templates about how I should behave. I came to understand their judgments about my decisions reflected their perspective, rather than mine, or the actual truth.
And so I began replying to these outbursts, where others outragedly pointed out where I had strayed from the line they expected me to travel, with the mantra, Quick! Alert the media!
I was being sarcastic of course. What I was saying was that all my decisions, good or bad, were not so extreme as to be of any relevance to anyone. They were not newsworthy. They are especially of no relevance to anybody who insisted on judging me. Using my mantra of Quick! Alert the media! was simple for me to remember and reminded the person telling me that what I was doing “wrong” (in their mind) was insignificant in the scheme of things, and they should just leave me to puddle around on my own.
Which is something I do very well!
Joni Page 