Relationships within families once you’re all grown up should be easy. We love our family, right? Blood is thicker than water. You’d do anything for family.
Except there are always going to be problems, even in the best of families.
A counsellor once gave me these tips on how to approach conflicts, hurt feelings and arguments. Each one is a small piece of valuable insight into how to stay sane when things go wrong with the people who are supposed to understand you the most.
5. Unplug
It’s easy with families to get hooked back into old ways of being. We’re so used to the way that everyone used to operate and the role each person has always played that we don’t question whether everyone has changed.
So unplug your circuits. Don’t be attached to the ways your family members are operating. Let them work it out in their own way.
The important thing is to see what is happening now, not what happened when you were all growing into yourselves. Stay yourself, you and you only, not your old role of sibling, child or parent.
This doesn’t mean you don’t care, just that you can acknowledge others are dealing with things in their own way, in whatever way they believe to be right.
You’ll benefit, too because you won’t inflame the situation, or get hurt in the crossfire.
Families are complex beasts, and your role as part of the ongoing tapestry is multifaceted. Look for ways you can support family members in a way they need. Let them take centre stage when they require. But also be ready to remove yourself from hurt. Be clear about your own values. Keep your Self intact.
Good luck, take care
Joni
Joni Page 