Relationships within families once you’re all grown up should be easy. We love our family, right? Blood is thicker than water. You’d do anything for family.
Except there are always going to be problems, even in the best of families.
A counsellor once gave me these tips on how to approach conflicts, hurt feelings and arguments. Each one is a small piece of valuable insight into how to stay sane when things go wrong with the people who are supposed to understand you the most.
4. How can I bring light to this difficult and complex situation?
When times are tough for other family members, ask yourself, Who am I being here in this moment? Am I soothing or inflaming the situation?
The journey of families is a difficult and complex thing, and each of us bring our own gifts and talents, and finds our own successes and failures. We can’t possibly know how someone else is feeling, and we can’t know what pressure and stress is doing to their usual nature.
In these times, the best way forward is to think about how you might bring something that will defuse the tough feelings of others. How can you make the burden a little easier?
Think about what you might want if you were in that situation. To do this, first identify what the emotions/feelings you would have if you were facing that difficulty. Fear? Anger? Disappointment? Loss? Shame? Guilt? Heartbreak? Shock? These are all very unsettling feelings, and the person will not be operating at their best.
Your intention is to not inflame things, so be careful with your words. Put into words what you would like someone to say to you. Listen, acknowledge.
Remember gentle affection is worth a million possibly judgmental words.
Joni Page 